Moving in has been challenging, but I am now down to just a few more boxes. Unfortunately, in one of those boxes...somewhere...are my comic strip materials. So I hope to add my illustrations Wednesday evening. Update: Comics are added. Sorry it was Thursday instead. Our puppy, previously in my mother-in-law’s care, and our cat have put the challenge in challenging. Both are trying to assert dominance over the other.
Now the moment you’ve been waiting for (unless you were waiting for comics, in which case,
Recap:
For those who are new to Christians with Vulvodynia; first, welcome and second, last we left off we were in the middle of the series, “How to show love when you feel like you can’t give physically” based off Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. You can read the first post on quality time here, the second post of words of affirmation here, and the third post on acts of service here.
Receiving Gifts:
Out of the five, this is one of the harder for me to write about. Personally, I could care less about how often I receive gifts, but I love to give gifts. Gift giving is how I show love. This being the case, I thought this subject would be easier, however I’ve really had to think about it. My husband being the recipient of my loving (aka gifts), and the observer of my excitement over his birthday, his Christmas presents, his anniversary presents, phrased the phenomenon best: “Giving a gift is so personal, it is giving part of yourself.”
Tell-tale Signs You or Your Spouse’s Love Language is Receiving Gifts:
You or your spouse complain that nothing is ever brought to them
You or your spouse complain about the impersonality of gifts received
You or your spouse compare gifts given them versus others have received
You or your spouse hoard received presents or cards (beware of many many memory boxes)
You or your spouse react positively to even small received gifts (if personal)
The book talks about how a gift is a physical symbol of the status of the relationship. i.e. wedding rings. Personally, I look at it as a measurement of depth within a relationship; how much someone really knows or cares about you. For example, my husband is an electronics guy... more specifically an apple guy. He’s not, however, a tool guy. The men at our church generously threw him a tool party before our wedding. The tools were only recently used. My husband has used the tools some since we’ve moved into our own place, but not as much as his mother and I have, and definitely not as much as his Apple TV (my valentines day gift to him ;) )
Acts 20:35
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’
2 Corinthians 9:7
Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
Isn’t it amazing that all love forms are covered in the Bible? Gift giving and receiving is known in many cultures and through a multitude of generations as one of the most common yet uniquely personal symbol of love.
With the economy at this time, a spouse who’s love language is receiving gifts (giving gifts (as in my case)) can seem terrifying, however the importance of a gift is the thought. Thought is what makes is personal, gives it meaning, and creates depth. Therefore, a gift (that is personal) need not be expensive.
Looking at the way I’ve gushed about gifts, and my list of tell-tale signs...I just might need to reexamine myself. Update: My husband laughs at my hoards of memory boxes and has threatened trash bags before, so yes this gets personal.
P.S. Next week I hope to cover the last of the five that relates closely to our condition.
Hi Raquel. Just wanted to give you a quick note of thanks for your blog. I've followed it for several weeks now.
ReplyDeleteMy W has had something akin to vulvar vestibulitis for the entirety of our 13 year marriage. We're Christians and were both virgins when we married. Naturally it stung to feel that we had done things the "right" way and weren't able to enjoy the rewards of walking that path. I don't know if anything will ever solve the problem. But there's a small measure of relief in finding others who understand what it's like.
Best wishes to you and your husband. I probably won't comment often, but I'll be following along.
--David D.