My life has been chaotic, leaving little to no-time to write. However, writing has been long overdue.
My boss quit the salon I was working at and recently started a new one. Before I found out about the little bundle on the way, I had agreed to go with him. I thought there would be time, time before he moved, time to rest with his other assistant back in town, but there has been none.
Thankfully the schedule has not been a full one, and my boss is kind and very understanding of my physical needs to rest.
Unfortunately, that need to rest and the need to be sick is quickly progressing. Last week, I felt fine except most evenings. Now I feel sick all day, from the moment I wake up till going to bed.
Despite it all, the new job, the morning sickness, the baby on the way I am consistently reminded of the blessings and the fulfilled promises.
I was getting exhausted with my job, most assistants for my boss last a year and a half. I've been working with him for two and a half years and now I have an end date in site. My last day is Oct 29th. unless something outside of my control changes that. I have enjoyed working with him and he treats me very well, if I had to work I would definitely work with him. However, I am still excited that my last day is Oct 29th.
Now, for God's fulfilled promise. Actually, if you are overseas I would love to hear from you because you've played a special part.
In the earlier post God are You listening? I talked about how the Lord told me who my husband was going to be. The same girl, the metro girl, who had prophesied that Jesse would be my husband had made me another prophesy.
When I had called her to excitedly tell her of our engagement, she asked to pray for us. When she was praying she asked the Lord to bless us as we had our children while we were sharing scripture overseas. Apparently I didn't learn the first time, because I thought she was crazy. Jesse and I, didn't live overseas and weren't planning on it. Then when we got married and I started dealing with the vaginismus, I thought it would never happen. Amazingly enough, I started a blog, that talked about how scripture applied to our condition and the emotional issues that come with vulvodynia.
Sex is still painful, but possible and according to the stats I see some readers from overseas, and I am pregnant... So, I would love to hear from you!
Deut 7:9
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.
Daniel 9:4
I prayed to the LORD my God and confessed and said, "Alas, O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant and lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments,
The Lord brought His people out of Egypt, He gave them their promised land, He promised the Messiah, Jesus Christ, His son, the man who was promised that he would not die till he saw Jesus as a baby; the Bible is full of examples of the Lord’s faithfulness and promises kept. -New Year's Resolutions
A baby is the promise He had given and is keeping to me and for him/her I am truly blessed.
P.S. With all the morning sickness it has been difficult to find to sit up and write through. So unfortunately this piece has not been edited to I apologize. Second, I would love it, if anyone who would be interested in sharing the story and how God has shown himself through their condition, would write me so we could have a guest writer.
So if you are from overseas or willing to be a guest writer or both, please send me an e-mail at
Veronica.P.Coleman@gmail.com
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Small Delay
I did have plans to write. I thought through wording and pictures. I planned to do these things and I got distracted.
Apparently I've had very little break, from the time I lost my V-Card to actual pregnancy.
Pregnancy was something I thought would never happen due to the inability to actually have sex. With the birth control making me sick, and PIV not a possibility, I went off the pill a year and a half ago. When we did start having sex, it was a bit of a shock. I mean a good one, but we weren't actually prepared that sex would happen. Seeing as there has been some difficulty sliding into home, we avoided using the rubbers the other times.
I had what I thought would be my last gyno appointment on Thursday. My doctor informed me that all that needed to be done was practice, since I am significantly better. I decided to ask how to tell when I am ovulating. We looked at my cycle, he told me when I would ovulate and because I didn't have to go to the bathroom that was that. When I got home that evening, I looked at the calender.
The DAY that I lost my V-card began my ovulation cycle. So the next morning, I took a test and behold a plus sign. I've taken 3 more tests and the plus continues to show up and faster each time.
We are both truly excited and blessed to have the opportunity to be parents. It will however be challenging to deal with pregnancy symptoms and a sore vajay jay. So please keep us in your prayers.
Apparently I've had very little break, from the time I lost my V-Card to actual pregnancy.
Pregnancy was something I thought would never happen due to the inability to actually have sex. With the birth control making me sick, and PIV not a possibility, I went off the pill a year and a half ago. When we did start having sex, it was a bit of a shock. I mean a good one, but we weren't actually prepared that sex would happen. Seeing as there has been some difficulty sliding into home, we avoided using the rubbers the other times.
I had what I thought would be my last gyno appointment on Thursday. My doctor informed me that all that needed to be done was practice, since I am significantly better. I decided to ask how to tell when I am ovulating. We looked at my cycle, he told me when I would ovulate and because I didn't have to go to the bathroom that was that. When I got home that evening, I looked at the calender.
The DAY that I lost my V-card began my ovulation cycle. So the next morning, I took a test and behold a plus sign. I've taken 3 more tests and the plus continues to show up and faster each time.
We are both truly excited and blessed to have the opportunity to be parents. It will however be challenging to deal with pregnancy symptoms and a sore vajay jay. So please keep us in your prayers.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Bad Blogger Award
I deserve the bad blogger award. Constantly putting my writing on hold was not the plan, it just happened. I have two topics in mind, but have not had both adequate time and energy at the same time. Working extra hours at the salon has made my normally busy week chaotic. In addition, I started my Mary Kay business. (If you'd like, shop online with me at www.marykay.com/rcoleman1424 )
My salon work is supposed to slow down, so I hope to be back to my usual weekly comic posting self next week.
Now for the update I promised:
After what seemed like an eternity, I had resigned myself to the thought that I would be in a constant state of treatment. The doctor kept saying that I had come so far and that this time I should be able to try. The last appointment seemed like a failure, when I told him again that we had been unsuccessful.
He gave a few helpful suggestions:
1. Having a clean digestive system (eat your yogurt and your flax, constipation can cause unnecessary pressure)
2. Ladies, prop your bottoms up with pillows, angle change maybe part of what your looking for.
They made all the difference in the world. Since we had moved into our new home I refused to try the deed in our bedroom. I was so afraid I would turn yet another room into a place of failure. However, for some reason that particular Friday evening I wasn't thinking, and we were in our bedroom. We got half way there. Extremely exciting and nervous, Sunday night, I took a left over Vicodine (which I had received from my hymenotomy). The event was very slow and still very painful but we did it, we lost our V-cards. The moment I had waited so long for had come. I felt so stupid because I started to cry out of excitement. It felt so unreal, I had come to think it would never happen and then it did. The Lord is good, I will not forget all His goodness, for He has blessed me and I am full.
I still have extremely painful beginnings. Sometimes I don't think I can do it. Yet, once past a certain point it's bearable and occasionally good. I still have work to do, but coming this far...I'm just so excited to have come this far.
I hope that you are all having a painless or less painful day.
My salon work is supposed to slow down, so I hope to be back to my usual weekly comic posting self next week.
Now for the update I promised:
After what seemed like an eternity, I had resigned myself to the thought that I would be in a constant state of treatment. The doctor kept saying that I had come so far and that this time I should be able to try. The last appointment seemed like a failure, when I told him again that we had been unsuccessful.
He gave a few helpful suggestions:
1. Having a clean digestive system (eat your yogurt and your flax, constipation can cause unnecessary pressure)
2. Ladies, prop your bottoms up with pillows, angle change maybe part of what your looking for.
They made all the difference in the world. Since we had moved into our new home I refused to try the deed in our bedroom. I was so afraid I would turn yet another room into a place of failure. However, for some reason that particular Friday evening I wasn't thinking, and we were in our bedroom. We got half way there. Extremely exciting and nervous, Sunday night, I took a left over Vicodine (which I had received from my hymenotomy). The event was very slow and still very painful but we did it, we lost our V-cards. The moment I had waited so long for had come. I felt so stupid because I started to cry out of excitement. It felt so unreal, I had come to think it would never happen and then it did. The Lord is good, I will not forget all His goodness, for He has blessed me and I am full.
I still have extremely painful beginnings. Sometimes I don't think I can do it. Yet, once past a certain point it's bearable and occasionally good. I still have work to do, but coming this far...I'm just so excited to have come this far.
I hope that you are all having a painless or less painful day.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Quick Update, more to follow!
I am praising God! After weeks of what felt like a "standstill", I was able to have sex! Yes, PIV sex! It was very painful, but right now it doesn't matter.
I will give a little bit of a more detailed update later.
I will give a little bit of a more detailed update later.
What?
What would you all like me to write about? I've been working extra hrs at work this past week and had completely forgotten about posting until yesterday. This wouldn't be a big deal. I usually wrote my material on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, however I didn't have a topic. Even now, I still feel at a loss on what to write about...
So I thought I'd ask, what would you all like me to write about?
So I thought I'd ask, what would you all like me to write about?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
True Love Never Fails
After numerous attempts at intercourse and falling short every time, there is a wearing on your emotional sanity. There have been several times where I’ve encouraged my husband to leave me. This is not something you’d typically hear from someone who’s been married for only a couple years, a Christian, or someone who really loves their husband. However, the list above applies to me in every aspect. I’ve told him that it’s not like we’ve consummated, and that he should leave and find someone who “fits” him. He asked, “Why do you keep telling me I should leave?” I answered, “Because I’m not strong enough to leave you. I love you. I don’t want you to go, but I’d understand. Besides, I can’t leave you. We’re living with my parents...if I leave, I have nowhere to go.” Note: We don’t live there anymore. We are moved into a house, and now we both have a mortgage to pay. Talk about an insurance plan ;)
The last sentence had us both laughing, but I can’t help but think that this general thought has crossed the mind of many vulvodynia victims. Often times, I feel that I fall short of the standards of what a good wife should do or be able to do. This thought is a downward spiral. The feeling of inability becomes a feeling of unworthiness. I am incapable of giving love the way I ought to, therefore I am now worthy of receiving love.
Thinking through this brought to mind something I’ve heard all my life, but never really understood the way I should. Jesus took on the church as His bride. The church (a.k.a Christians) were never worthy to be the bride; they were incapable of being worthy. However, Christ loved us so much, that He took on what made us unworthy and died on the cross. Then He rose from the dead, so that all who believe can live with Him in heaven. He loved us before we were capable of loving Him.
When I was incapable, my husband loved me anyway. He took on my incapabilities and died to selfish desires. He did this so that I could live with him and help him pay the mortgage. ;)
I’d like to thank my husband for showing me love in a way that resembles Christ. Knowing I am in that kind of a relationship with my husband makes me feel that much more secure.
P.S. He claims that being my husband hasn’t been a complete sacrifice, and that I do have likeable qualities. I LOVE MY MAN!
The last sentence had us both laughing, but I can’t help but think that this general thought has crossed the mind of many vulvodynia victims. Often times, I feel that I fall short of the standards of what a good wife should do or be able to do. This thought is a downward spiral. The feeling of inability becomes a feeling of unworthiness. I am incapable of giving love the way I ought to, therefore I am now worthy of receiving love.
Thinking through this brought to mind something I’ve heard all my life, but never really understood the way I should. Jesus took on the church as His bride. The church (a.k.a Christians) were never worthy to be the bride; they were incapable of being worthy. However, Christ loved us so much, that He took on what made us unworthy and died on the cross. Then He rose from the dead, so that all who believe can live with Him in heaven. He loved us before we were capable of loving Him.
When I was incapable, my husband loved me anyway. He took on my incapabilities and died to selfish desires. He did this so that I could live with him and help him pay the mortgage. ;)
I’d like to thank my husband for showing me love in a way that resembles Christ. Knowing I am in that kind of a relationship with my husband makes me feel that much more secure.
P.S. He claims that being my husband hasn’t been a complete sacrifice, and that I do have likeable qualities. I LOVE MY MAN!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Showing Love When You Can't Give Physically Part:5
I feel like this post has been the hardest for me to write on a variety of levels, and I’ve been dreading it for weeks. My top love receptor had been physical touch for a long time (excluding sex, since I waited until I was married for that). While my husband and I were still dating, holding hands, kissing, and hugs had been my way of checking our relationship’s temperature. Now that I’m married, with vulvodynia plaguing my body, I’ve learned to steer away from using that particular receptor, instead relying on my quality time and words of affirmation. Writing this post has brought back the need for that love language to be filled, and the associated feeling of disappointment. I feel unworthy of love because I can’t fully express love in the way that I see love. The feeling of ups and downs has been invading my bubble of coping and self-defense. So please excuse the mild depression. With that brief preface, I will now delve in.
Tell-tale Signs You or Your Spouse’s Love Language is Physical Touch:
You or Your spouse withdraws when physical contact is withheld.
You or Your spouse compares other couple’s touchiness to the lack of your own touchiness.
You or Your spouse... well, see if the following pictures describe you because they’ve totally come out of my personal experience.
There are only 4 jobs that allow you to touch other people: doctor, masseuse, esthetician (now a separate licensing from cosmetology), and cosmetologist. I happen to be a cosmetologist (a.k.a. hair stylist) by trade, and let me tell you, hair stylists hear everything. A simple touch like shampooing a person’s hair or touching their shoulder creates a dynamic link that allows them to be comfortable, even vulnerable. You wouldn’t believe how many personal stories have been confided to me by people I’ve barely met. I sincerely believe that this vulnerability is important in a marriage. Some people are not touchy, and those people can become vulnerable with any of the other 4 love languages, but for many people, and especially those who's primary love language is physical touch, a touch can make or break a relationship.
Of all the jobs that women can do within marriage, one stands out that cannot be delegated. You can hire a maid to clean house, you can hire a chef to cook, and you can hire someone to do the family accounting and it would not be sin. (I am by no means saying women can’t work out of the home, I am merely addressing being the helpmate in a marriage.) However, to delegate physical touch of your spouse would be sin.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This is the depressing part for me. I am tempted to feel that I am incapable of performing my most basic duty; that I can’t share my body the way it was supposed to be shared. Thankfully, there are many ways to experience physical touch. There is hand holding, snuggling, kissing, massage, kissing during massage, snuggling while kissing, and well... (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) many other possibilities; it’s not just limited to PIV (which, by the way, does not stand for peanuts in Virginia).
“Your best instructor is your spouse, of course… Your spouse may find some touches uncomfortable or irritating. To insist on continuing those touches is to communicate the opposite of love.” --The 5 Love Languages.
The Bible doesn’t say “Do not deprive each other of PIV sex except by mutual consent”. I believe it applies to all pleasurable touch. As hard as it may be, it is acceptable to inform your husband that something is uncomfortable. You are teaching him how to love you, just like he will teach you how to love him. Furthermore, sometimes even non-sexual touches can cause desires that lead to uncomfortable/painful situations, like sex, and in those cases it might be necessary to practice using your other love receptors. Again, it can be hard, but it is important to discuss these things with your spouse before making this kind of decision. Of course, just because PIV sex is not necessarily possible (like in my case) or too painful, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to sexually enjoy each other’s bodies. My husband and I still have things we enjoy.
A special thanks to my commenters; it’s always nice to know that I’m being read, and I cherish your comments. P.S. Sorry for the one huge picture, I tried to make it a size smaller, but then the dialogue was unreadable.
Tell-tale Signs You or Your Spouse’s Love Language is Physical Touch:
You or Your spouse withdraws when physical contact is withheld.
You or Your spouse compares other couple’s touchiness to the lack of your own touchiness.
You or Your spouse... well, see if the following pictures describe you because they’ve totally come out of my personal experience.
There are only 4 jobs that allow you to touch other people: doctor, masseuse, esthetician (now a separate licensing from cosmetology), and cosmetologist. I happen to be a cosmetologist (a.k.a. hair stylist) by trade, and let me tell you, hair stylists hear everything. A simple touch like shampooing a person’s hair or touching their shoulder creates a dynamic link that allows them to be comfortable, even vulnerable. You wouldn’t believe how many personal stories have been confided to me by people I’ve barely met. I sincerely believe that this vulnerability is important in a marriage. Some people are not touchy, and those people can become vulnerable with any of the other 4 love languages, but for many people, and especially those who's primary love language is physical touch, a touch can make or break a relationship.
Of all the jobs that women can do within marriage, one stands out that cannot be delegated. You can hire a maid to clean house, you can hire a chef to cook, and you can hire someone to do the family accounting and it would not be sin. (I am by no means saying women can’t work out of the home, I am merely addressing being the helpmate in a marriage.) However, to delegate physical touch of your spouse would be sin.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This is the depressing part for me. I am tempted to feel that I am incapable of performing my most basic duty; that I can’t share my body the way it was supposed to be shared. Thankfully, there are many ways to experience physical touch. There is hand holding, snuggling, kissing, massage, kissing during massage, snuggling while kissing, and well... (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) many other possibilities; it’s not just limited to PIV (which, by the way, does not stand for peanuts in Virginia).
“Your best instructor is your spouse, of course… Your spouse may find some touches uncomfortable or irritating. To insist on continuing those touches is to communicate the opposite of love.” --The 5 Love Languages.
The Bible doesn’t say “Do not deprive each other of PIV sex except by mutual consent”. I believe it applies to all pleasurable touch. As hard as it may be, it is acceptable to inform your husband that something is uncomfortable. You are teaching him how to love you, just like he will teach you how to love him. Furthermore, sometimes even non-sexual touches can cause desires that lead to uncomfortable/painful situations, like sex, and in those cases it might be necessary to practice using your other love receptors. Again, it can be hard, but it is important to discuss these things with your spouse before making this kind of decision. Of course, just because PIV sex is not necessarily possible (like in my case) or too painful, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to sexually enjoy each other’s bodies. My husband and I still have things we enjoy.
A special thanks to my commenters; it’s always nice to know that I’m being read, and I cherish your comments. P.S. Sorry for the one huge picture, I tried to make it a size smaller, but then the dialogue was unreadable.
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