True Love Never Fails

After numerous attempts at intercourse and falling short every time, there is a wearing on your emotional sanity. There have been several times where I’ve encouraged my husband to leave me.  This is not something you’d typically hear from someone who’s been married for only a couple years, a Christian, or someone who really loves their husband.  However, the list above applies to me in every aspect.  I’ve told him that it’s not like we’ve consummated, and that he should leave and find someone who “fits” him.  He asked, “Why do you keep telling me I should leave?”  I answered, “Because I’m not strong enough to leave you.  I love you.  I don’t want you to go, but I’d understand.  Besides, I can’t leave you. We’re living with my parents...if I leave, I have nowhere to go.”  Note: We don’t live there anymore. We are moved into a house, and now we both have a mortgage to pay.  Talk about an insurance plan ;)

The last sentence had us both laughing, but I can’t help but think that this general thought has crossed the mind of many vulvodynia victims.  Often times, I feel that I fall short of the standards of what a good wife should do or be able to do.  This thought is a downward spiral.  The feeling of inability becomes a feeling of unworthiness.  I am incapable of giving love the way I ought to, therefore I am now worthy of receiving love.

Thinking through this brought to mind something I’ve heard all my life, but never really understood the way I should.  Jesus took on the church as His bride.  The church (a.k.a Christians) were never worthy to be the bride; they were incapable of being worthy.  However, Christ loved us so much, that He took on what made us unworthy and died on the cross.  Then He rose from the dead, so that all who believe can live with Him in heaven.  He loved us before we were capable of loving Him.

When I was incapable, my husband loved me anyway.  He took on my incapabilities and died to selfish desires.  He did this so that I could live with him and help him pay the mortgage.  ;)

I’d like to thank my husband for showing me love in a way that resembles Christ.  Knowing I am in that kind of a relationship with my husband makes me feel that much more secure.

P.S.  He claims that being my husband hasn’t been a complete sacrifice, and that I do have likeable qualities.  I LOVE MY MAN!