Conviction

Yesterday, I was worshiping in church and I almost had to stop singing as tears filled my eyes.  There were two particular songs that just really hit home.

Mighty To Save- Hillsong


To the Ends of the Earth- Hillsong

So take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
I give my life to follow everything I believe in
Now I surrender -Mighty To Save

I stood there barely able to get the words out because I feel like my life has become full of fears.  Fear of confiding about my condition, fear of pain, etc.  Many times I fill like a failure, when I see a new young married couple, a baby...I feel like I failed at being a woman and a wife.  But my life shouldn't be dependent on that.  In this song I was asking God to fill my life again, fill it to the point that all my fears no longer had room and to the point where I didn't see failure, I saw Christ working through me.

The second song,

And I would give the world to tell Your story,
Cause I know that You've called me -To the Ends of the Earth


When I had sung this before, I didn't think much of it.  I've done local mission's trips and overseas mission's trips, and I felt that I meant those words.  What hit me yesterday, is the words "And I would give the world to tell Your story" it was talking about what I would give not where I would go.  The question became would I really give the world...Yes of course.  What about the personal things, the tears hit harder.  Was I even really willing to give those up, I mean I haven't really had a choice, but I was trying to hold onto that so hard.

I am asking that the Lord will fill me so much that all I see is Him working through me.  We haven't been asked to give the world, we've been allowed to give up our ability to have pain-free sex (hopefully just for a time) to tell His story.   That is what I am feebly attempting to do with this blog.  I hope you all are have a painless or less painful day today.